Cataract

We did a simple celebration (with cakes) for my parents' 66th wedding anniversary just now.  

Dad will be going for his cataract procedure tomorrow.  Over the past year, his vision has deteriorated rapidly. He used to watch badminton a lot on tv, but has gradually cut down.  Early this year I began noticing he stopped watching all together.  He has essentially lost his vision on his right eye primarily due to glaucoma (which causes nerve damage) and cataract. His left eye is also affected by glaucoma and cataract, but still have some vision left. 

We realized we've taken him to see an eye specialist about 12 years ago, when his cataract wasn't that bad.  Couldn't remember why we did not proceed with it.  And just around 3 years ago, we went to see another eye specialist, but the doctor discouraged (did not want to perform) any procedure due to age factor - his supposingly inability to listen to instructions clearly as dad is also relying on his hearing aid.  No word about glaucoma back then.

At his age now (94), it is going be a lot higher risk to undergo the procedure - but then there is nothing much to lose I guess, as he is already almost blind.  A successful cataract removal will also likely to help improve pressure from glaucoma and arrest further decline in his left vision.  Really worried about tomorrow, and I pray he recovers well.  

One lesson I learnt from managing my parents is that if you need to go for a procedure for a health problem at a younger age, just go fix it.  The longer you delay and the older you get, the risk is going to be higher and healing much slower - and sometimes, some doctors decline to perform the procedure.

Sigh ... I fear about growing old - both mum and dad have totally different set of health problems:

• Dad - Sharp memory, failing vision and hearing, limited mobility (weak knees)
• Mum - Alzheimer's, sharp vision and hearing, two-times cancer operation (oral, colon)

Which is the better of the two situations if it had been me (or you)?

Not Your Friend

"Tak balik kampung ke?"

"No"

Silence, except for the slight hissing sound of the steam vent.

Then he stood up, adjusted his towel and stepped out. 

Considering he used to "report" to Simone whenever he sees me in the gym, considering I had wished him well on insta when he shared he was hospitalized a year or so ago, I would have thought we would acknowledge that we do have a common friend, and we can be friendly.  

But I was dead wrong.  He was just so rude and sombong!  

Simone told me they haven't chatted for a quite few months since he went for umrah. So Simone did a bit of querying and his reply was  But I'm not interested in gossips or sex stories or scandals dy ... 

Good to know that it wasn't entirely the repulsive energy that I carry around with me, although I bet he hasn't turned completely holy given where he was that evening.

I just need to remind myself again: Your friend's friend, is not your friend.

Unfollowed, and unfriended.

- to be continued -

Isolation

I've never had a valentine.  So not only am I uncelebratable, I'm unlovable.  

Friends and relatives had previously enquired why I'm single, but I said it's because nobody wants me. No, they disagreed, you're just choosy.  As if they know more about my situation than I do.  

I'm quite introverted, yes. Hence I don't have many friends.  I sometimes feel awkward in social settings.  But I'm not a social outcast. I can be friendly, funny at times ... I'm considerate "OK" person, and overall I'd like to think I'm average, character-wise.

I'm not handsome nor charming, but I'm not fucking ugly either.  I have an "OK" body and dressed up fairly decent .... clean and tidy ... I am average-looking.

I'm not talented, but many people aren't either.  

I have watched people who are far more flawed, appearance-wise and character-wise ... those with shorter tempers, messier lives, and downright heartless.  Yet they still attract people. Despite their flaws, they still find companionship; they love and are loved in return.

I also know of a few friends, who are a lot more introverted than me, quiet, hardly proactive, yet attract many friends and chasers effortlessly.

I don't think my singledom has anything to do with my appearance or my character. 

If it's not really about my looks or character, then what could it be?  

Over the last few years, I've begun to notice a pattern: whenever I arrived early to a social setting and seated myself —be it in a hall or a communal table— people (strangers and acquaintances) will sit anywhere and everywhere—as long as it isn't next to me.  Packed everywhere, empty seats around me. Every. Single. Time.

I am now convinced that I naturally radiate a "repelling" energy.  No wonder I'm still single.  Well, some of us are just designed for a lifetime of our own company — uncelebratable and unlovable. Almost a life in isolation.

Birthday

Every few days, a certain Facebook 'friend' pops up on my feed, radiant with a different group of friends and different birthday cake/meals. I’ve watched him celebrate his January birthday well into February, transitioning seamlessly from pre-parties in early January to belated dinners this month.

I can’t help but wonder: where does he find these "friends"? Is he truly that popular, or is he just better at collecting social circles?  I know of several people like this—people whose birthday isn't a date, but a weeks and months.

Meanwhile, my own annual milestones mostly pass without significance — one dinner gathering perhaps.  Except for that ONE time when my colleague gathered a few others and surprised me with a 50th pre-birthday lunch, a cake and cute props which I was forced to take photos with in the crowded restaurant. 

Earlier in facing my 50th, I had planned a solo trip away. I fled to the Maldives alone, hiding away from the reality that no one else would be celebrating a 'Big 50' for/with me.  The day itself was just a few WhatsApp pings—no calls, no fanfare, as usual. But the hospitality of strangers filled the gap.  The hotel staff brought out a cake and sang for me at dinner. When I returned to my room, I found simple decor on the bed, a bottle of wine, and a fruit basket. I had to travel thousands of miles and pay for a luxury resort to receive a celebratory gesture. 

Watching that Facebook friend bask in two months of adoration makes me wonder if there is some invisible social currency I’m missing— Is there something inherently uncelebratable about me?  

 ... to be continued ...

Steamroom Conversation

As he stepped in, I immediately knew there's gonna be some action today in this quiet steam room.  To my delight, he sat close, folded his towel just small enough and frequently adjusting its position.  From the corner of my eyes, I could see him checking me out.  Wasting no time, I made my move and he reciprocated.  I can feel his youthful energy, and he seemed quite cute - looked like a little mixed Euro-Asian look (filipino?).  As he checked out my cock, I fondled his chest, briefly sucking his nips (he let out a sigh of pleasure) as my hands reached out to his decently sized semi-erect cock.  He gave a tug at my foreskin, almost as if performing some sort of an inspection (I get that quite a bit). 

"Can't pull it back?"  

"Nope"

"It's getting too hot" and he excused himself.  

And that was the deal breaker.  I suppose?

On the other end of the scale, there are guys who only "hunt" for guys with plenty of foreskin - retractable or not.

Minutes later he came in again. Surprisingly, he struck up a conversation - no filipino accent though, but well spoken English. After a brief exchange of pleasantries - his first time in this MK branch - and commented that he seemed to have seen me before at Gardens branch - he asked a taboo question "How old are you? Like .... 38?"  

I cleared my throat - Nope!

"Err. In your 40s?" - Nope!

"Huh? 50?" - Nope! A bit older.

"You've got to be kidding! That's my father's age!" 

I could be your daddy. Come to daddy! I wanted to tell him, as I was trying to figure out his age.  

"I'm 20.  Oh well, 25 to be exact".

After he asked me about my profession, he told me he's a medical student, year 3, studying at a Uni near KLIA and staying in Cyberjaya.  So far!  "I'm meeting my boyfriend here later for dinner".  Ahhh got boyfriend already....

"So you have a problem pulling it back?" he continued.

"Yes"

"It's called phimosis" Needing to diagnose my condition. 

"Yes I know"

"Owh, you know"

"I can pull it back when it's soft, but not when it's hard."

"Is it painful?"

"Just not comfortable". Pause. "Not a problem for hygiene as long as you pull it back and clean it when it's soft".  Ok stop overexplaining!

"Ok..." Pause. "Are you attached?"

"No"

"How about before?"

"Never"

"Why not?"

"Well, some people are not just fated to be attached, you know.... you're lucky you're attached at this young age."

"Yeah, it's alright" ... "you've got a nice butt" as he reached down (I was still seated) and gave it a light smack.

"Haha, thank you"

"OK, it's getting too hot, and I gotta go now for dinner. Bye!" Polite!