Almost Saved

For so many years, I have had countless lectures about how I needed to be saved (the Christian way, of course), by my evangelistic friends, friends of friends, classmates, teachers, relatives, workmates, and even strangers on the street (while I was waiting for a bus!). That constant preaching....

For years, I had attended church services to explore, but Christianity just doesn't seem right for me. It doesn't make sense. (But they will tell you it doesn't have to make any sense. Just have faith!)

There was a time in 1999. I was a young graduate then, at my desk doing my own work. A lady, my boss's friend, was just standing a few feet away from me. She was waiting for my boss who was engaged on the phone.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed her staring at me. Then she finally opened her mouth to find out what I normally do on weekends and on weeknights.

"Nothing much," I replied. "Why?"

I looked up. The look on her face told me I was such a pitiful soul. I needed to be saved.

"Then you should come to church. Join us, this Sunday?" She cleared her throat.

Her words and her facial expression were akin to the straw that broke the camel's back.

And just like that, instead of being saved the Christian way, I chose to keep my distance.

Enough for now.

Writing on the Wall

"A good bf/gf should empathize with their other half's concerns and not just brush things off because they cannot see gravity of the situation" - WN

This also applies to good/close friends. That's what friends are for.

Very recently, another friend, T, was upset because of the actions of another friend, G. When it was made known, G was concerned and quickly asked to talk and to apologize to T. Although T needed time to cool off and was somewhat evasive in the first couple of days, I was glad that they talked and sorted things out. In a week, all was settled and back to normal.

It didn't really matter who was right or who was wrong because everyone has their own perceptions, but the willingness to talk and reconcile. That alone must mean something.

But what if your "close" friend does not at least empathize with your concerns; and does not want or appear to even talk about it; and if your "close" friend doesn't bother to ask you how you're feeling or what the problem was regardless of who was right or wrong?

What if it took your "close" friend 3 months instead of 1 week to ask you "So I heard you want to talk?" There is an expiration date for everything including the timeframe relationship issues should be resolved.

The writing's on the wall.

Time to move on.

Lunch

Do you know that I could eat even before any food is put on my plate?

For lunch today, as I queued at the local Indian restaurant near my office to pile rice and food on my plate, something caught my eye. I looked up and saw a smartly groomed guy just in front of me. He was a bit on the slim side, but his office attire somewhat just fits him very well. I could see his strong arms exposed from his folded sleeves, and I looked up to see his face... he had a nice side profile.

As I stood there waiting for some space to get the food at the counter, I stripped his clothes off layer by layer and devoured him up with my eyes.

I stared at his face from behind, and suddenly he turned and caught me staring at him and said "Yes? Sorry go ahead," as he made space for me.

I let my gaze lingered on his eyes a little longer than I should before I said my thank yous and looked away at the food counter. Suddenly, I was already half full in the stomach. Yum!

Pleasure Principle

The authorities have been making their rounds to raid and seize shops selling specialty condoms, vibrators and other forms of "sex toys".

Frankly, I don't understand what the big deal is to sensationalize these raids. I think the authorities should channel their efforts and time in rounding up illegal immigrants, reducing piracy and keeping the city, instead of depriving normal folks of some sexual enhancing experience.

What's so lurid about purchasing objects for sexual enhancement for private pleasures?

What's so wrong with wearing a sexy thong, with the help of a little vibrator between consenting adults?

Is sex just all about in and out movement, spew your load in the hope of hitting the jackpot of procreation?

Nobody gets hurt, nothing gets stolen, so why do they always have to dictate what's right and wrong, and what's moral or not, what's sinful or not, for what things that are done behind closed doors?

Behind Time

I don't have many friends (colleagues and ex-colleagues excluded), but I find it interesting that more than an estimated 90% of them are younger than I am. And even so, the few who are older than I, are gym mates from step classes I attend.

I am rarely drawn to older people. I just don't know what to say to them. I find that older people tend to want to talk about serious stuff such as career, money, status, investment... sorry, maybe it's just my perception...

But as I grow older, the age group of my friends are still in the twenties! It's puzzling (and sometimes it worries me) that I'm just too at ease mixing and talking with people who are more than 10 years younger than I am. It's almost like I never grew up! The things I say, the way I behave ... so kiddie, immature!

Well, I've been a late bloomer. I was still a child at twenty, and I still lacked the self-awareness of a young adult in my late twenties. And right now, although already in my mid-thirties, I feel that in many aspects, I haven't quite reached the maturity of a 25 year old.

When I look at my friends and the younger generation (from facebook lah! where else?), I feel that I am so behind time, and sometimes, it appears that these people in their early 20s have even overtook me! So many of them knew exactly what they wanted and have pursued their dreams ... some even achieving them. Guys as young as 15 already had sex, and even have had relationships! At 15, I still wasn't convinced that the penis has other functions apart from urinating!

I wished I had matured at a much younger age ... wished I had a headstart like them in all aspects of life experiences.

If I had reached a higher level of self awareness by my early 20s, I would have gotten a headstart in knowing and chasing my dreams, career, talent ... or at least have developed the necessary skills to survive this man-eat-man world.

If I have had sex by 15, I would have 20 years of experience of sexual pleasure by now! :p

But now, even if I am mentally and emotionally prepared, my body is already slowing down. At this age, I don't have the energy of a 20 year old. Like Eva Peron lamented in the musical Evita: "What is the good of the strongest heart ... in a body that's falling apart?"

A case of mental and physical mismatch!

The Dominant Exhibitionist Bottom

"NO!! Here! I want (to) show," a Japanese Pig Bottom commanded the muscular Vietnamese Top.

The Top had been fucking the Jap Bottom near the door when he decided to go to a darker, more discreet corner of the steam room, hoping to get away from the swelling crowd of voyeurs.

However, upon hearing the discontentment of the Jap Bottom, and much to the approval and giggles of the voyeuristic audience, the Viet Top sheepishly and obediently repositioned himself behind Jap Bottom's arse, and resumed pounding him.

It must have been Jap Bottom's fourth round that evening, and he showed no signs of wear and tear (haha!). And he was clearly having so much fun putting on fuck shows at the brightest sections of the mostly dark sauna.

Earlier, he was in another (bright) room, where he was sitting and riding another Viet cock, one hand jerking himself, the other one masturbating another Viet guy's cock, and his mouth sucking and slurping loudly on another's.

In between his mouthful, he announced: "I take almost 2 hours to find here... round and round." He was obviously very glad he made it here, clearly worth every effort to have finally found it. He was on his mission to get fucked by every Viet guy he could find, and to get the attention he had always wanted.

Eating Out II

I was talking to this uncle at Adam Spa this evening. He's 45 years old (OMG... I'm going to be an uncle soon too! Or am I already considered as one?!) and told me he's married with two children, aged 10 and 12. I was curious as to why he visits the men-only spa, and he explained he only discovered he likes boys and men five years ago. Apparently also, if he goes for a massage, he prefers to be touched and massaged by boys than girls.

This is not the first time I've met or known or heard of married men with family who eats out on a regular basis... not women but men!

Those poor wives and children ... how could they do this them? How could they not know they liked boys/men in their younger days? Have they finally surrendered to their true feelings that they have denied or suppressed all the years?

Now, it makes me wonder if straight men could turn gay, then is it possible that one day, I would wake up and find myself attracted to women, breasts and vagina?? Ewww....

Live To Tell

Ally McBeal has always been somewhat introspective and seemed very connected to her emotions. At one time, tired of Ally's complaints, issues and sensitivities, Georgia confronted her.

Georgia: What makes your problems bigger than others'?
Ally (pausing a moment): Hmm... because they're mine.

Sometimes, people just don't really get it when you kicked up a fuss - to them, your issues will always seem as trivial or insignificant. And sometimes, instead of trying to understand the situation, they think they can "solve" your problems or issues as-a-matter-of-factly. Worst, they ditch you, or blame you, and leave you feeling more hurt than before. If you seriously can't identify with the problem, then the least you could do is just shut up and just hear it out, as a "friend".

And don't ever stick that "too sensitive" label, cause if I'm one, then you're the complete opposite - "over insensitive, and cold-hearted". And why is it that a little bit more of sensitivity seemed like a bad thing? Why is sensitivity considered worse than insensitivity?



I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall

Chorus:
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me

I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me

The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again?

If I ran away
I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How could they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide?
Will I grow old?
How would they hear?
When would they learn?
How would they know?

*******************
Fun-facts about "Live To Tell":

- Madonna's 3rd No. 1 Single in US
- Only one straight voice recording for the song (ie. demo version) was used as the final cut. Reportedly, the writer/producer said that "her voice in the demo version was so innocent and so shy. It's as naive, as raw, as can be and that's part of what gave it all its charm."
- Song used in the film "At Close Range" starring Madonna's then-husband, Sean Penn.

Eating Out

I was msn-ing a distant old friend the other day, and he recounted how he had hot sex in a public facility with three other guys. It was always nice to be able to chat about people's sexual experience... it's almost like reading porn material, except that you get to ask all the finer details as you wish.

As I got sexcited listening to his public anal conquests, it occurred to me that they probably didn't have any condom on, and so I queried. As expected, none of them had any rubber, but they did the anal thing anyway. His excuse was "it was only a few quick jabs anyway - we didn't have time to do too much la!". But I recalled him mentioning to me he was sore down there as one of the guys poked him quite rough.

And he is still attached to his BF. Obviously he was eating out behind his back... completely unprotected! Suddenly, it wasn't sexciting anymore to listen to his stories. It sends the shivers down my spine, and I didn't want to know any further if he and his BF had theirs done protected or bareback.