Holiday

H o l i d a y !

Yes, I did the same exact dance, hopping around just like she did in her Blond Ambition performance of Holiday way back in 1990.

YEAH!!!

Over MSN-ed

The economy is getting from bad to worse, but the government seem to remain as positive as it could, albeit news of facility shutdowns, employee lay-offs etc etc.

So, I just told a friend that "I am very free during office hours, but I am busy after office hours." Isn't it great to get paid even for doing nothing? So ya think! Not really.... Apart from worrying that prolonged idle time at work will eventually lead to "cost-cutting measures" (I won't say the word here, but you know what I mean), my short-term headache is how to spend 9 hours a day in the office doing nothing!!! There is only this much "self development" (ie. reading up new things to enhance one's skills and knowledge) one can do in a day. I have over-facebooked, and over-emailed. Even I have over-msned the equally restless Jaslene who has complained she's sick and bored of the internet! First it was msn, then we met at gtalk, then back to msn again, then later we chatted in gtalk again. OMG! But thank you Jaslene for saving my days ... all the other msn-ers seem to be quite busy or not logged in. And I think we're also running out of things to chat about! Maybe we should start gossiping about others!

So, I thought I could do some sinning by downloading music, but apparently it hogged the entire bandwidth and my other colleagues have difficulty surfing the net or checking their email, so I have to abandon the plan! Ish!

Asking for Change, Asking for Trouble

I never liked change, particularly if it had to do with moving away from one place to another, even if it's for a few years. I don't like leaving the familiar environment and particularly close friends. The last time I had to come back after 4 years of studying aboard, I cried my hearts (and eyes) out for days. My eyes were super swollen. I was such a cry baby.

Which is why I've turned down offers to be based overseas, or even outstation. Afterall, what if I am based in a place without gym? I'd die!!!

But not too long ago, I was contemplating perhaps working in someplace like Singapore or Australia is a good idea. The money is probably better. The quality of life in Australia is great for sure, while for Singapore, well, at least it's neater and orderly there, plus the guys are hotter!

So few weeks ago, I sort of asked my boss from SG to see if there is any possibility of a transfer. I told her it's just a thought, nothing to be serious about at this stage.... but now she wants to discuss it in greater detail. Haiye! Now I have to consider the option more seriously, and I don't know what to think!

I shouldn't have asked in the first place... now I'm deeply troubled. The thought of leaving my parents behind, and my friends, adjusting to a new place ... shit! I really shouldn't have asked if I wasn't serious about it. Help!

Working Smart

Sometimes it's easy to forget you're not who you think you are, especially when you're too engrossed in something you do too routinely without thinking about it much. It just take one comment to put you back in your proper place. Which is not a bad thing, there is always something good about everything.

I've always thought of myself as the hardworking dedicated worker, regardless of how unwilling am I to stay back to work the extra hours. Let's say despite my complaints about missing gym, friends and home, sometimes I do go the extra mile when it comes to work. Yes, I still have hope... to better myself, to contribute to the company and all that shit. I'm not that kind of lost soul.

So, today I suggested to Miss V (my 2nd boss) that we should backup a copy of all important documents and take them with us to Indonesia (we're gonna be there for 2 weeks!) "just in case" we needed templates or references for proposals or reports for other assignments that are likely to come up. But she commented that I shouldn't copy them away as these documents are company property. When I noted that was what the Ms. S (big boss) does too, she reminded me that that's because Ms. S is the boss.

But I'd like to note the following:

1) Bosses work for the company. They do not own the company. But it seems here that boss <=> company.

2) I'm copying the documents into the company's computer notebook, not mine... for work and convenience, not for leisure or suka-suka. I have foresight and dedication, not an indifferent attitude.

3) The bosses are always harping on finding ways to restrict access and copying of documents out of office server. But here's the joke. We are a small team, with only 6 people. The admin staff are not interested to copy technical reports. Also, I've never heard of big companies with hundreds of staff which are so possessive of their propriety rights to disallow copying (unless you've tendered your resignation). Plus, it's not that our reports fall under the Officials Secrets Act. It shows that the bosses don't even trust their small team. There is no feeling of inclusiveness in the team. Again, the message is this: boss <=> company. All others = temporary workers who are not to be trusted.

At first, I was upset with this kind of treatment and double standards being dished out at us. But then, I soon realized this: I now have an excuse not to work more than I have to. Yay!

Why do I need to work extra hard for other people when I'm not earning extra income for the extra work? Why so stupid? I should instead reduce my dedication to the company (ie. work smartly), focus on improving my skills (and perhaps spend more free time blogging and gymming!), and then move on when the time comes. After all, my efforts and commitment are clearly not appreciated anyway. And meanwhile, I can still copy anything I want without telling anyone.

Yes, there're always two sides of a coin. Sometimes we just needed to step out a little moment and make it work to your benefit. When it comes to work, I knew exactly what I must do from now on.

Labour Day Thoughts: Sabbatical

Thank God, I'm not the only one feeling that I needed a looonngg holiday. It seems that most people who've worked about 10 years or so, have either just resigned and gone for a sabbatical, or toying with the idea. Ten years seems to be a major milestone: for people to escape the bloody work environment. If you haven't got real passion for your job, it might be timely to take some time off to re-evaluate the situation and plan for a different path for the future. But a couple of months off just to get away from it all could be therapeutic.

Eva has pretty much made up her mind to quit her job after she collects her 2nd half of her bonus in July. In fact, she had intended to retire! Her mom was surprisingly somewhat supportive of this idea, and she is seriously considering if that could indeed be an option! Quite a few of her colleagues have also quit without finding another new job. They are apparently enjoying themselves not having to kow tow to their bosses and clients. Fable had also resigned and is somewhere up in the mountains in Southern China with his housemates. So jeles!! Maybe I should start planning for my sabbatical in the second half of this year.... hmmm... where shall i escape to? Maldives? Easter Island? Greece?

More! Or Less?

After Material Girl in 1984, Madonna, as Breathless Mahoney in the film Dick Tracy (1990), once again sang about her obsession with material wealth in the gold digger's anthem More.

Here's an excerpt of the song:

One is fun, why not two?
And if you like two, you might as well have four,
And if you like four, why not a few
Why not a slew[More! More!]

If you've got a little, why not a lot?
Add and bit and it'll get to be an oodle.
Every jot and tittle adds to the pot
Soon you've got the kit as well as the caboodle.[More! More!]

Never say when, never stop at plenty,
If it's gonna rain, let it pour.
Happy with ten, happier with twenty
If you like a penny, wouldn't you like many much more?

Or does that sound too greedy?
That's not greed, no, indeedy
That's just stocking the store
Gotta fill your cupboard, remember Mother Hubbard.[More! More!]

Each possession you possess
Helps your spirits to soar.
That's what's soothing about excess
Never settle for something less.
Something's better than nothing, yes!
But nothing's better than more, more more[Except all, all, all]
Except all, all, all
Except once you have it all [have it all]
You may find all else above [find all else above]
That though things are bliss,
There's one thing you miss, and that's
More! More!
More! More!
More! More!
More! More! More!

Everyone appears to be seemingly obsessed with the "More" that Madonna sang about. We want bigger flashy cars, more properties and bigger houses to acquire, a higher position in the corporate ladder. A bigger paycheck. We tell ourselves that it is for our own retirement nest egg, for our family, so that we can all live comfortably, if not luxuriously, when the time comes. We eat in fancy restaurants, we want to become members of exclusive clubs, we wear branded attire, we believe that we appreciate style, quality, excellence, above everything else. We measure success based on how much we have.

Hence, we battle traffic to work everyday, spending at least an hour or more on the road. We tolerate our mean, calculative bosses daily. We rush for project deadlines, meetings, e-mails; we want to appease our clients/bosses who seemingly always set impossible deadlines in the name of efficiency and urgency. We are almost always expected to put in the extra hours at work - supposingly to prove that you're hardworking and you deserve a bigger raise in the next appraisal. In our quest for more, we selfishly take advantage of circumstances, and sometimes, even people we call friends and colleagues. We tell variations of the truth, we bulldoze our way through. Every move we make is calculated, carefully crafted. Rude people are everywhere. Nothing else matters except a higher position and a nett monetary gain for us. We tell ourselves we enjoy this. We believe that was our purpose in life. We want more. Until the time comes for us to sit back and enjoy.

But I am tired. Tired of running after more. Tired of wanting more. Because no matter how much you have, you'll always want more. When I first graduated, I lived such a simple life. I complained that my salary was too little and wasn't enough. Now, years later, with a higher salary, it is still not enough. I want more. I need more. But what is more? How much is enough? When will be the time when I can say, I have it all, and I don't need any more?

Apart from material wealth, I am probably not much better off than this man.

Two weeks away in the fields - without urgent work deadlines, without horrendous traffic, without computer (no e-mail), without television, without cosy restaurant food, no need to rush to the gym, no hot water shower, no rude people, nobody bossing me around.... I don't have to be worried if my reports are up to my client's expectations, I didn't have to justify my actions to any one.

Most of all, I didn't have to constantly compare myself with my peers and relatives. I didn't have to bother about which social status I am at. Unlike during CNY, relatives were quick to compare who's children earns more, who has acquired more houses, who owns a bigger car (time to upgrade - they remind you, even if your humble Wira is still in good working order), who has a more beautiful wife/family, what branded stuff you're wearing, who has made more multiple trips overseas (apparently, that is also a measure of success, and the destination is also important! If you go to places like Japan, China, Middle East, US or Europe, you're more successful than if you go to say, Thailand, Indonesia or India. And then, they want to find out if your overseas allowance is more than their sons/daughters - again another measure of success).

In those two weeks, life was unhurried, simple, pleasant. It's like back to basics. The farm, the village, the atmosphere was peaceful. I became peaceful.

Millet Plant

Dahl Plant

It's simply amazing how the flower (above) will turn into little cotton bolls, which eventually ripen, turn brown and open up to reveal fluffy cotton.

Every day at the fields, I would spend a lot of time looking at soil and the plants - the leaves, the flowers, the seeds, the fruits, and even the insects. And every time I look, I would discover something new, find something different and I would again be filled with awe, as if I've just seen the plant for the first time. Nature is just amazingly beautiful. I never get tired of the fields.

Perhaps, it's time to consider downshifting.

Or am I just experiencing mid-life crisis?

Double Combo Control Freaks

Dear God, please forgive me for I have bitched about my bosses.


Today, for almost the entire day, my colleagues and I bitched and bitched and bitched about our two immediate lady bosses. Yup, we could not take it any more. It was the only thing we could do to get it off our chest.

Well, I don't know why, but lady bosses really have authority issues. They just have to show that they are in a powerful position and that you are supposed to acknowledge this fact everyday. No matter how small a decision is to be made, you have to 'check' with them first. Before you send out an e-mail, you must show them first. (Sometimes I wonder if they get offended if I go to the toilet without asking them for permission first: Boss, can I go to the toilet now? I really have to shee shee...). Everything they must know and you have to get their approval because they are the office manager or project manager. Yes, every now and then, they remind you who they are, just to make sure that you know your rightful place, which is below them. Under normal circumstances, when you do things without having to be told to do it, most bosses would praise you that you have shown initiative and/or able to work independently and/or able to handle difficult situations on your own. It didn't matter how you do it (of course within reasonable limits), as long as the work gets done or the problem gets solved. But when it comes to these two bosses, it matters very much to them that no matter how you do it, no matter how insignificant the impact will be, you must absolutely inform them and check with them. Otherwise, they will accuse you that you didn't ask their permission. Why didn't you check with them first?

I really don't understand what goes on in their head. Did they really feel so insecure and threatened that they have to control everything you do? As long as you check with them or get their approval on everything that you do, then they'll be happy. As long as you listen to what they tell you to do, then they won't find issues with you. If you didn't do it their way, then you've done it the wrong way. But during performance appraisal, they will turn back and accuse you of being unable to make decisions. They will judge you that you lack initiative, that you lack ability to handle situations on your own. Either way, you lose, because they are the bosses and what they say or do are always right.

I have worked with two other female bosses in the past, and they're all also the same. But for now, in my current office, it's double combo micromanagers. In a small office of only 6 people, with the top two people being female control freaks (that's already 33% of the office population), how do you deal with this? How do you spend 40 hours (or more) a week having to face all this nonsensical micromanagement? Phuh!

Passion

The word I encountered frequently in the past few weeks. Why? In life we must have passion in what we do. Otherwise, what we do will be meaningless. Without passion, there can be no action. Productivity will be low, and there will be no innovation.

I know of people who are so passionate about their work. There are those who gets paid poorly, or have to work under constant pressure, or have to work in an non-conducive environments, but have so much passion in what they do that they didn't mind slogging it out. There are others who gets paid well, but because of passion, they didn't mind travelling country to country week after week, or check their emails at unearthly hours at night, or work for long hours and giving up on their family time/social time.

It is perhaps okay to have no passion in what you do, but gets paid well for it. But what if you don't really have the passion and don't get paid well either?

Is passion something that we can inculcate? Or is it something that you either have it or don't?

What do you do if you think you do not have the passion in the job/occupation that you do? What do you do if you do not know of any job/occupation that you may be passionate about?

What if it is not so much the lack of passion in the nature or type of the job that you do, but more of the lack of passion in any kind of job?

Passion... yes, passion...

Tamil Nadu

One of the best things about my work is that I get to travel to some of the places that most people wouldn't dream of visiting. (But that doesn't mean that I'm crazy about work! Who wants to work if given the opportunity?) This time round, I get to go to the city of Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu, India. Coimbatore is also called 'Manchester of South India' because it is also a textile city. Well, the site that I visited wasn't exactly in Coimbatore. In fact it is located about 85 km southeast of Coimbatore, in a very rural area. The landuse in the general area is agricultural, with main crops include coconut, maize, mango, sapotta (chiku), millet and rice. The general area is quite scenic especially the Anamalai Hills which form a magnificent backdrop for the site that I visited.

Close to Udumalaipettai town, there are hundreds on windmills on a relatively flat open land. It was awesome. What a sight! I've never seen anything on such an elaborate scale before! The height of each windmill is at least 3 times the height of a typical electricity transmission tower.

All the flying and waiting and queuing and security checks were horrible tough. I had to take Singapore Airlines to Bangalore. So that means that I hafta stopover and get a connecting flight at Changi. The airport security at Changi was terribly tight. I got scanned front, back, left, right, top, down, front again and back again..... I felt like a criminal... as if I had done something severely wrong. I nearly wanted to suggest sarcastically if they wanted me to strip right there and then, just so that they are 100% sure that I'm not carrying any suspicious metal or bombs. I don't kinda mind stripping actually.... since I do have some exhibitionist tendencies.... haha!

Then the bitch consfiscated my 120g tube of SKII face cleanser, which was obviously only about 25% left. She claimed that passengers are not allowed to bring any containers/tubes that are more than 100g or 100 ml. I pleaded to her and explained that it is an expensive item and it was obviously less than 50g left in the tube and that the overall total liquids/pastes in my hand luggage is obviously less than the 1 litre allowance. But the bitch responded coldly and indifferently. I know she's only doing her job, but this ruling doesn't really make logical sense. And what kind of world are we living in nowadays? Are we all so afraid of terrorist attacks? I blame it on God and religion.

The return trip wasn't pleasant either. The Bangalore airport is way too small to handle the large numbers of travellers. The check-in hall was full of people and their baggage that you almost can't figure out which queue is for which airline. It is almost impossible to move from one end to the other. I had to wait in line for almost an hour to check in. Then I had to wait again for immigration checks. Then another long queue for the security check. By then, it already time to board the plane. No time to rest! The most ridiculous thing is that between the departure gate and the aircraft, there are 3 more checkpoints that passengers have to go through. They checked for the security stamps on your hand-carry bags, for your passport, and for your boarding pass. I couldn't take it anymore, so I sarcastically commented to the airport staff "as if I will transform into someone else as I walked along the corridor between the gate and the aircraft". The staff then tried to explain something to me about security and procedure and blah blah blah.... whatever.

An Eye Opener

I arrived back to KL safely, after having spent almost 11 days on site. This was my third trip to the site, and I was dreading it. I hate being away for long periods, especially for sitework.

The facility where I worked is located in northwestern tip of Java Island, facing the Java Sea. The nearest town is Cilegon, approximately 2 hours drive via freeway from Jakarta to the west. My colleague and I stayed in Cilegon. A car and a driver had been arranged for us to take us to the site, which is a 45-minute drive on a very narrow bumpy and dusty rural road. I really do not understand why these foreign investors would want to build their petrochemical facilities in such a rural isolated place with such poor public infrastructure.

Java island is not a typical tropical island paradise. It is overpopulated, and is home to 120 million people, with a population density of over 2,000 people per square mile! In comparison, Peninsula Malaysia has a population density of only 330 people per square mile. Land in Java island is scarce, and is mainly used for the cultivation of rice and minor subsistence crops. Paddy fields dominate the landscape.... and people live in very small houses made of wood, clay and straw. It is very depressing to see that these people are so poor, with so little to live on every day. The inside of their houses are probably fairly empty. Most adults are unemployed and they can be seen hanging around by the road side, gazing blankly at the passing traffic, waiting for time to pass them by, or engaging in minor odd jobs.

************

Why? Why is it that there are so many poor people who live in such a deplorable condition? Why, on the other end of the spectrum, are there filthy rich people? Why?

Is it because the rich have done something good in the past and thus are deserving of a good life? Is it because the poor was made to suffer because they have done something terrible in the past? But what about innocent children born into poor families? It seems to suggest that certain people are more deserving of a good life than others. But on what basis? Is this fair? Is this God's making? But God is supposed to be all-loving and good. From what I saw and realized, it appears as though there is no evidence of such. Dear God, why???

Pak Nik Kembali Lagi?

It's confirmed! (Horror!) Pak Nik is going to work at Provinsi Banten, Republik Indonesia for 2 loooooong weeks! There goes my gym ... and I would likely have very limited access to the net! And I shall surely miss my comfy bed at home.... I simply can't believe I'm going back to that hellhole again for such an outrageously long period..... Gimme Singapore anytime! Or Bangkok!

Is selling nasi lemak an option?

I don't really like to complain about work in my new blog, but I guess the events today deserve a mention. It was bloody loooonnng day at work. I was in the office at 7am this morning, and I left just before 9pm. That means a good 14 hours at work!

I have to complete 5 different things before the day draws to a close. One of them was a due diligence dataroom review for which I had to update summary tables of potential liabilities for 5 sites. The tables need to be submitted to the project manager in US by today. It wasn't too bad but it takes up quite a fair bit of time. Then my colleague called and ask me to find out some information to be scanned and emailed to her. Haiya, very leceh one.

The third task was to address an email query from a senior colleague from the US about a DD report I completed for 4 sites in Korea 2 months ago! I just don't understand why they took so bloody long to come back with queries. And yes, they ask all sorts of very specific and detailed questions, as if I am a such a pro in Korean environmental legislation, when in reality, it was only my first trip! The site interview was tedious. Site personnel could only converse in Korean. I had to use a translator. For every question I ask through the translator, it takes about 5 minutes before I get an answer. So imagine asking 20 pages of questions! And it surely didn't help as all documents and labels are in the Korean language! Imagine if I had to get each and every word translated into English, I would be there for weeks! And now, this US colleague is asking me so many questions that I don't really have the answers to. I just wanted to yell out to him to just fuck off and leave me alone.

The fourth task was to prepare a revised cost for a proposal for a client. Damn that bitch! Like this not right la, like that to expensive la, give discount for Phase 1 la, give more discount for all scope la.... she thinks consultancy is like pasar malam is it? Want to bargain here bargain there. Some more want it urgently la... cannot wait already la because she must award by today la. And she keeps calling me every 15 minutes. How to concentrate? I must have revised the cost for her 4 times liao! And it was already 7.30pm at that time! For goodness sake!

The last task was accompany my boss to Mines Resort Business Park for a meeting. Haiya, what a waste of precious time. Something that could be done over the phone but the client insiste on seeing us. Talk talk also the same stuff.... haiya!

And above all, I have developed a zit on my nose, probably due to the increased stress levels the past 2 days. I hope it will go away by next Friday. I can't be carrying it on my nose while in Singapore!!!

It's getting fucking busy again all of the sudden. I had an asbestos legislation review and a proposal for a potential project in India to prepare. Plus, most likely I have to deal with the bargaining bitch in the morning tomorrow. Fingers crossed that my US colleagues do not come back with even more questions!!! Next week, I will have another DD site visit to do in Penang, and possibly the bitch's project to start on. At times like this, I really wish I could just drop everything, go back to Taiping and set up a nasi lemak stall. Life will probably be so much more serene....