This Is The Right Time

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People automatically assume you're "too choosy" if you happen to be single after so many years. In my case, I've never been in any relationship even though I've lived to half my expected lifespan (this is so sad). I've had crushes, flings, chicken and duck relationship .... but nothing serious... nothing intense ... none lasted long enough to be certain that it was really love.

When I shared my frustrations, friends would reply "you have too high QC", "you're too choosy", "you don't make enough effort" etc etc... apparently it was always my fault. Yes, perhaps I didn't make enough effort but I'm generally rather shy and quiet person. But to say that I am "choosy" is absolutely incorrect. I object!!!

Frankly, no one has seriously pursued me for love before. I've never been loved (yes, this is so sad ... again). And over time, I begin to wonder if there was something really wrong with me... perhaps I'm unattractive, perhaps I have bad attitude, perhaps I smell .... why no one interest in me at all? When I look around, even people with horrible behaviour are happily in relationships. Even people who are ugly have beautiful partners. One man's meat is another man's poison.... so there should be some one for me too. I don't have to be a magnet, but I don't want to be a repellent either [I'll blog about my ability to repel people (at least that's what I think) another time la].

That's why I've somewhat given up believing. Trust me, at some point, you don't have any ego or confidence left at all if you keep scoring negatives. A little reassurance will be of great help, to believe in yourself, to believe in love, to believe you have what it takes for someone else to love you.

In the past ten days or so, Bert has given me that little assurance. We've seen each other almost every other day, and in my life I have never felt anything like that since I met him. He makes me feel comfortable. I feel love. This is the right time to believe in love.

(to be continued)