Filial Duties 1 - Parents' Medical Drama 1H 2026

I was meant to post more regularly this year, but I guess I got busy with work and I get tired easily - I sometimes sleep at 8pm!  Age is catching up ... or perhaps it's just lack of discipline in keeping up with my resolution ... just like my gym routine.

But I was also occupied in seeking medical treatment for my parents.  Well, dad has fully recovered from his cataract surgery in May (it took him quite about 5 days before he could see clearly again - at first I was worried if he could see again at all).  The doctor indicated that his cataract was very dense and very very difficult to remove.  Dad complained that he was in a lot of pain during the procedure (he rarely complained as he has quite a high threshold for pain).  Fortunately, the procedure was a resounding success!  He could now see quite clearly now, read his ipad, write and watch his badminton on tv.

And then, in early June, mum's lower left second premolar cracked diagonally into two.  It is her second cracked tooth this year - her first was her upper left first molar in February.  Unlike her first extraction early this year, this second extraction was more painful for her.  The first attempt failed as the doctors suspected she had a bad gum infection underneath her tooth.  She had to take antibiotics and come back again a few days later. As she had Alzheimer's, she couldn't understand - she was screaming in pain / discomfort throughout, making the extraction process more difficult than normal. Luckily, the experienced doctor managed to take the tooth out, quite forcefully IMO.  But I think he doesn't want to see my mum anymore as he wrote a referral for my mum to see "special needs specialist" at UMMC for future dental treatments.  

Concurrently in June also, a 60 year old side table (old furnitures are heavy) fell on his shin, and scraped a patch of his skin off.  So we had to seek first aid treatment at the nearby clinic a few times - as it is slow for such wound to heal for an elderly.  It's been 4 weeks, and it still hasn't fully healed yet.  Also in June, my helper got her annual gastric attack and she was out of action for 2 days.  

So yeah, perhaps I've got a good excuse for not updating my blog right? :-p

   

Cataract

We did a simple celebration (with cakes) for my parents' 66th wedding anniversary just now.  

Dad will be going for his cataract procedure tomorrow.  Over the past year, his vision has deteriorated rapidly. He used to watch badminton a lot on tv, but has gradually cut down.  Early this year I began noticing he stopped watching all together.  He has essentially lost his vision on his right eye primarily due to glaucoma (which causes nerve damage) and cataract. His left eye is also affected by glaucoma and cataract, but still have some vision left. 

We realized we've taken him to see an eye specialist about 12 years ago, when his cataract wasn't that bad.  Couldn't remember why we did not proceed with it.  And just around 3 years ago, we went to see another eye specialist, but the doctor discouraged (did not want to perform) any procedure due to age factor - his supposingly inability to listen to instructions clearly as dad is also relying on his hearing aid.  No word about glaucoma back then.

At his age now (94), it is going be a lot higher risk to undergo the procedure - but then there is nothing much to lose I guess, as he is already almost blind.  A successful cataract removal will also likely to help improve pressure from glaucoma and arrest further decline in his left vision.  Really worried about tomorrow, and I pray he recovers well.  

One lesson I learnt from managing my parents is that if you need to go for a procedure for a health problem at a younger age, just go fix it.  The longer you delay and the older you get, the risk is going to be higher and healing much slower - and sometimes, some doctors decline to perform the procedure.

Sigh ... I fear about growing old - both mum and dad have totally different set of health problems:

• Dad - Sharp memory, failing vision and hearing, limited mobility (weak knees)
• Mum - Alzheimer's, sharp vision and hearing, two-times cancer operation (oral, colon)

Which is the better of the two situations if it had been me (or you)?

Not Your Friend

"Tak balik kampung ke?"

"No"

Silence, except for the slight hissing sound of the steam vent.

Then he stood up, adjusted his towel and stepped out. 

Considering he used to "report" to Simone whenever he sees me in the gym, considering I had wished him well on insta when he shared he was hospitalized a year or so ago, I would have thought we would acknowledge that we do have a common friend, and we can be friendly.  

But I was dead wrong.  He was just so rude and sombong!  

Simone told me they haven't chatted for a quite few months since he went for umrah. So Simone did a bit of querying and his reply was  But I'm not interested in gossips or sex stories or scandals dy ... 

Good to know that it wasn't entirely the repulsive energy that I carry around with me, although I bet he hasn't turned completely holy given where he was that evening.

I just need to remind myself again: Your friend's friend, is not your friend.

Unfollowed, and unfriended.

- to be continued -

Isolation

I've never had a valentine.  So not only am I uncelebratable, I'm unlovable.  

Friends and relatives had previously enquired why I'm single, but I said it's because nobody wants me. No, they disagreed, you're just choosy.  As if they know more about my situation than I do.  

I'm quite introverted, yes. Hence I don't have many friends.  I sometimes feel awkward in social settings.  But I'm not a social outcast. I can be friendly, funny at times ... I'm considerate "OK" person, and overall I'd like to think I'm average, character-wise.

I'm not handsome nor charming, but I'm not fucking ugly either.  I have an "OK" body and dressed up fairly decent .... clean and tidy ... I am average-looking.

I'm not talented, but many people aren't either.  

I have watched people who are far more flawed, appearance-wise and character-wise ... those with shorter tempers, messier lives, and downright heartless.  Yet they still attract people. Despite their flaws, they still find companionship; they love and are loved in return.

I also know of a few friends, who are a lot more introverted than me, quiet, hardly proactive, yet attract many friends and chasers effortlessly.

I don't think my singledom has anything to do with my appearance or my character. 

If it's not really about my looks or character, then what could it be?  

Over the last few years, I've begun to notice a pattern: whenever I arrived early to a social setting and seated myself —be it in a hall or a communal table— people (strangers and acquaintances) will sit anywhere and everywhere—as long as it isn't next to me.  Packed everywhere, empty seats around me. Every. Single. Time.

I am now convinced that I naturally radiate a "repelling" energy.  No wonder I'm still single.  Well, some of us are just designed for a lifetime of our own company — uncelebratable and unlovable. Almost a life in isolation.

Birthday

Every few days, a certain Facebook 'friend' pops up on my feed, radiant with a different group of friends and different birthday cake/meals. I’ve watched him celebrate his January birthday well into February, transitioning seamlessly from pre-parties in early January to belated dinners this month.

I can’t help but wonder: where does he find these "friends"? Is he truly that popular, or is he just better at collecting social circles?  I know of several people like this—people whose birthday isn't a date, but a weeks and months.

Meanwhile, my own annual milestones mostly pass without significance — one dinner gathering perhaps.  Except for that ONE time when my colleague gathered a few others and surprised me with a 50th pre-birthday lunch, a cake and cute props which I was forced to take photos with in the crowded restaurant. 

Earlier in facing my 50th, I had planned a solo trip away. I fled to the Maldives alone, hiding away from the reality that no one else would be celebrating a 'Big 50' for/with me.  The day itself was just a few WhatsApp pings—no calls, no fanfare, as usual. But the hospitality of strangers filled the gap.  The hotel staff brought out a cake and sang for me at dinner. When I returned to my room, I found simple decor on the bed, a bottle of wine, and a fruit basket. I had to travel thousands of miles and pay for a luxury resort to receive a celebratory gesture. 

Watching that Facebook friend bask in two months of adoration makes me wonder if there is some invisible social currency I’m missing— Is there something inherently uncelebratable about me?  

 ... to be continued ...

Steamroom Conversation

As he stepped in, I immediately knew there's gonna be some action today in this quiet steam room.  To my delight, he sat close, folded his towel just small enough and frequently adjusting its position.  From the corner of my eyes, I could see him checking me out.  Wasting no time, I made my move and he reciprocated.  I can feel his youthful energy, and he seemed quite cute - looked like a little mixed Euro-Asian look (filipino?).  As he checked out my cock, I fondled his chest, briefly sucking his nips (he let out a sigh of pleasure) as my hands reached out to his decently sized semi-erect cock.  He gave a tug at my foreskin, almost as if performing some sort of an inspection (I get that quite a bit). 

"Can't pull it back?"  

"Nope"

"It's getting too hot" and he excused himself.  

And that was the deal breaker.  I suppose?

On the other end of the scale, there are guys who only "hunt" for guys with plenty of foreskin - retractable or not.

Minutes later he came in again. Surprisingly, he struck up a conversation - no filipino accent though, but well spoken English. After a brief exchange of pleasantries - his first time in this MK branch - and commented that he seemed to have seen me before at Gardens branch - he asked a taboo question "How old are you? Like .... 38?"  

I cleared my throat - Nope!

"Err. In your 40s?" - Nope!

"Huh? 50?" - Nope! A bit older.

"You've got to be kidding! That's my father's age!" 

I could be your daddy. Come to daddy! I wanted to tell him, as I was trying to figure out his age.  

"I'm 20.  Oh well, 25 to be exact".

After he asked me about my profession, he told me he's a medical student, year 3, studying at a Uni near KLIA and staying in Cyberjaya.  So far!  "I'm meeting my boyfriend here later for dinner".  Ahhh got boyfriend already....

"So you have a problem pulling it back?" he continued.

"Yes"

"It's called phimosis" Needing to diagnose my condition. 

"Yes I know"

"Owh, you know"

"I can pull it back when it's soft, but not when it's hard."

"Is it painful?"

"Just not comfortable". Pause. "Not a problem for hygiene as long as you pull it back and clean it when it's soft".  Ok stop overexplaining!

"Ok..." Pause. "Are you attached?"

"No"

"How about before?"

"Never"

"Why not?"

"Well, some people are not just fated to be attached, you know.... you're lucky you're attached at this young age."

"Yeah, it's alright" ... "you've got a nice butt" as he reached down (I was still seated) and gave it a light smack.

"Haha, thank you"

"OK, it's getting too hot, and I gotta go now for dinner. Bye!" Polite!

  

El Nino

I extended my foot out and lightly touch his toe with mine... that familiar signal I had learnt all these years.  He did not move his foot away.  My toes continued to rub against his, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed he had removed his towel, touching himself.  Sweat glistened on his forehead, little beads forming on along the fringe of his short hair trickling down his cute young face, dripping down his bulging chest and his ripped abs.  Quickly confirming no one was heading our way, I wasted no time going down on him.  He gave out a soft moan, then stood up - all six-foot plus tall - hot, gym-fit body like a model, and whispered "come, let's go the showers".  He wrapped his towel and made his way out of the sauna.  I waited like for 2 seconds and followed him into a stall.

It is unusual of me to be the one to make the first move. I was always passive ... shy ... never been brave enough ... but no, I wasn't gonna let this opportunity slip away.  Yes, I've not gotten laid for so long, and in the heat of the moment, I put away all my fears and insecurities. Or was it mid-life desperation?  Aside from his hot stunning physique, he was gentle, polite and probably the best catch I've ever had.  

Soon, when the intimacy was all over, and as the showers washed away the seeds of passion, my insecurities and shyness made a return. I hurriedly left the stall without saying another word.... regrettably.  And all I have now was the sweet memory of El Nino.  :-(          

Presbiopia

The decline has begun....

Requests

You know you're hot if your FB wall is full of messages from strangers thanking you profusely for accepting their friend requests.

Thnk u for add me.

Hi nice to meet you!

Thx for the add. :)

Thanks for acceptance.

But you know you're not when even the people you've personally met did not reply to your message or request. All the time.

Direct Expression of Interest

Why does it seem so much easier to approach someone or ask someone out for fun/sex than for a date with a motive of establishing a relationship?

It doesn't matter what situations you are in, whether it's Fridae or Grindr or Facebook, saunas or even friend of a friend that you're interested in, it's always easy to get straight to the point if you just wanna have fun. You just say "I wanna hug you." or "Come over for fun?" or simply "Top or bottom?"

But if you really like that person, you tend to hesitate a bit, and beat around the bush discussing gym routines, travel plans, employment status, out status etc etc... the list goes on.... but never the direct expression of interest.

Why is it so hard (for me) to just say, "Hey, we've met before and I like you. I'm single, and I know you are available too. I would love to go out on a date with you ... to get to know you better."

How many of you really do go straight to the point?

Uncle Grindr

So I was having this friendly chat with this chiku / anak ikan on grindr, and I decided to do some background check. Who better to ask than Tricia ... the popular one! I was right: that chiku has contact Tricia before and had even met up once. Apparently, the chiku's photo on grindr was not a recent one, and he has since become fat. While it is understandable that we normally try to put up our best photos, I don't get it why deceive others by putting photos of yourself which is way outdated and totally unlike your present self.

Anyway, I try not to let it bother me too much since it was quite interesting to chat with the chiku ... that was until he called me "uncle". I instantly ignored and banned him! He needs to learn that you must NEVER call a gay man "uncle" even if he is in his 30s or much older than you. Especially when that 30 something year old gay man still looks as young as an 18 year old boy. :p

FB Distractions

Everyday I just can't seem to stop clicking on FB profiles of hot guys and checking out their profiles and photos .... those almost naked hot bods. Just feel like licking and eating them! :p Are there really THAT many guys with such fit and hot bods? Makes me feel so inadequate and unfit now ...

Singledom

When I visited my parents, I rarely hang around outside of the house long enough to meet the neighbours. And when I do, I rarely keep eye contact with them, much less greet them. Most of them moved in after I left the house more than 15 years ago, and I never really knew them that well.

But on one fine evening, while I was about to get into my car, the missus next door was on her way into her house and our eyes met. After all these years, I decided to be polite, and flashed her a smile.

She seized the opportunity of a lifetime, and managed to ask me what seemed to be the world's most important question to her. A question she's been dying to ask me all these years: "Wah! Are you still not married? Time to get married lo."

Luckily for her, I was already partially inside the car and drove off without a second glance back at her. Patient... I told myself.

Last year, a friend's mother sent me an sms wishing me Kong Hei Fatt Choy: "Tot want to visit u and ask u if you got any special girl yet? Am I busybody? Tot want to introduce a fren to u. Is it ok?"

I texted her a strongly worded reply (I forgot the exact words - but it was blunt). Nonetheless she still couldn't help it but wanted to have her last word "Aunty wont disturb you again. Wish you all the best and hope when u find the right girl u remember 2 invite me ok?"

Everywhere I visited during the course of my work trips, people often ask ask me this "are you married?" question. Is marital status a critical measure of one's success and happiness?

Now, where is my knight in shining armour to save this poor unmarried soul?

Breakthrough

One look at me and people immediately conclude: "Ah... bottom lah~", leaving no room for any possibility that I could be the other one. Although I was an eligible receiver, no successful entry has ever been made.

It has been quite a few months I was dry, so I was determined to make the S$27 all worth it. The turnout at OneSeven that night was poor, considering that by the time we arrived, it was already 8pm - the "peak" time. We later found out that these days the crowd, especially the Type A ones, had preferred to flock to Absolute. But why??!! We hated the layout there. Everybody hated the layout there, but I guess that's where the "in" crowd is.

So we were left with a poor selection, but I did notice a certain extremely edible Type A with his well defined pecs, broad shoulders, tanned skin, and flat abs (was it a six-pack?) clad in only his boxers in the gym room. He was working out, no point in me hanging around the gym looking skinny and small.

So I proceeded upstairs, made a few rounds disappointed with the buffet. But eventually, a willing mouth and came to taste what I have to serve. Oh well, not a Type A, but I was loaded. One can't be choosy when the economy is bad, so I decided to let him do all the work. It was very one-sided, but since he was willing, so what?! There was no need for me to reciprocate. He did a good job keeping me in fantasy land. After what seemed like a very long selfish session, he made a request. I hesitated a moment but determined to prove my critics wrong, I accepted his proposal. And right there and then, I had a breakthrough, and once and for all, I am now officially a top loader. :D

After taking a break, I spotted the extremely edible Type A again, walking around, making only very brief stops. It has been 3 hours and I have not yet eaten. I was hungry for the delicious meat. On normal days, I am extremely passive and submissive. I would never make the first move, but that night was different. I deliberated on how to make my move and close in on that piece of meat before someone else got it. There was nothing to lose. There is no need to be shy. I am too old now to worry about all this. I cannot afford to hesitate anymore for something I want badly, especially in this dog(man)-eat-dog(man)'s world! I moved in next to the meat, and gave an introductory gentle brush. No repulsion. That's good news! And soon I was having a feast, and man, what a feast indeed! A breakthrough indeed as I am now officially Active and Dominant. I was shocked when I later found out that the meat has already completed the fourth cycle of the Chinese zodiac, officially the oldest meat I have ever had. The meat was very well-preserved indeed ... all muscly, lean and smooth. Another breakthrough!

Six hours later from the moment we stepped in, the only thing that still did not break through was my other end. :p

Making A Statement

It's been a week since I was back from a short SINgapore trip. It was rather short, and we spent less than 27 hours on SINgapore soil. Our first stop was Chinatown Point for some serious shopping! After 2 hours of trying out stuff, we bought 5 t-shirts, 3 tanktops, 1 shorts and 1 swimwear for less than S$320. That's a good deal! Then we took the MRT and checked out 313@Somerset. It was Sales period, and you could get quite a few Zara stuff for less than S$30. Imagine paying only RM30 for Zara in MY! Singapore is indeed cheaper than MY.

Then we rushed to the Heeren across the road and bought more shirts, shorts and flipflops. I said "rushed" cos we were running late for the evening program and highlight of the trip: OneSeven. Haha! But we made a quick stop at HMV to buy "Sticky and Sweet Tour DVD". It was sold for only S$24. Oh why oh why can't we get original uncensored DVDs for RM24 in MY???

Here are a couple of pics of the t-shirts I bought. Don't know what went through my head when I was trying them out, but I thought I wanted to make a statement. Now I wonder if I dare to wear them! LOL~

Declaring that I am an ...

but sadly, I have a ...

Aphrodite Preview

I should have posted this last week! Anyways, listen to to the album in its entirety for free here ... until 6th July.

It will be released very soon (it's already released in the UK).

All I can say that I'm loving it, and I think it's one of her best!

A Nobody

It has been almost 2 months since my last post about making that extra effort to go after the man of my dreams, but I was really super-duper busy since then. But I was glad that my post somewhat served as an inspiration for a particular farmer (keke!). The farmer had claimed that he was somewhat dry for a looooong time, but got superactive and dominant quite recently. The results of his efforts paid off as reportedly he got laid big time. :p

As for me, in between my hectic and demanding work schedule, I managed to upload a few nicer photos of myself (photos courtesy of my wonderful photographer sister Tricia), and updated my profiles in the hope that there would be an increase in hits, hearts, messages, friend requests, whatever you call it etc. On my part, I had also made some effort on my part to be proactive in sending hearts, a couple of messages and adding friends etc.

But initial results were disappointing. My updated profile and best photos went unnoticed, no new hearts or messages, no new friend requests, and my requests for FB friends went unapproved. People who approves and adds friends indifferently even refused to approve my request! If people are not even clicking on my profile as a first step, there will not be any further steps or hopes.

And it really has nothing to do with personality or mannerism or habits or looks.

I pondered on my dear friend Mrs. Philippe's comment on my last post:

"sometimes fate plays a big part too. some can be making the greatest efforts & yet yielding little results, some the other way round."

I can't help but wonder if in my past life (if there was one), I had been a swinger or I was a certain attractive popular guy who was full of himself and hurt people and took advantage of people. So now in this life, I am made to suffer as a nobody. Karma.

Open Your Heart

Certain people could not stand being single and alone. They need to always be in a relationship. So the moment they got over the previous relationship, they start to search for the next one by a certain target date or time frame. It's basically "hunting time".

For me, I've never invested much time in looking for the right guy. In fact, I hardly make any effort! Always passive... Which is no surprise why I've remained single all this time. I mean, I'm not gorgeous, and I don't have that charming persona to attract people to me. Hence, by default, I never get noticed. I need to work extra hard and take on a more active role if I really want to find that guy of my dreams. It means being thick skin and have no fear of rejection.

So I really want to set a target here to make that extra effort. And I have that right song to dedicate to those guys out there to look my way.

Watch Out!

I see you on the street and you walk on by
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry
If you gave me half a chance you'd see
My desire burning inside of me
But you choose to look the other way
I've had to work much harder than this
For something I want don't try to resist me

[Chorus:]
Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin'
I'll give you love if you, you turn the key

I think that you're afraid to look in my eyes
You look a little sad boy, I wonder why
I follow you around but you can't see
You're too wrapped up in yourself to notice
So you choose to look the other way
Well, I've got something to say
Don't try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to

[chorus]

Open your heart with the key
One is such a lonely number

Ah, ah, ah, ah
Open your heart, I'll make you love me
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key

Don't try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you've got to

[chorus]

Open your heart with the key

Open your heart, I'll make you love me
It's not that hard, if you just turn the key
[repeat and fade]

Almost Saved

For so many years, I have had countless lectures about how I needed to be saved (the Christian way, of course), by my evangelistic friends, friends of friends, classmates, teachers, relatives, workmates, and even strangers on the street (while I was waiting for a bus!). That constant preaching....

For years, I had attended church services to explore, but Christianity just doesn't seem right for me. It doesn't make sense. (But they will tell you it doesn't have to make any sense. Just have faith!)

There was a time in 1999. I was a young graduate then, at my desk doing my own work. A lady, my boss's friend, was just standing a few feet away from me. She was waiting for my boss who was engaged on the phone.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed her staring at me. Then she finally opened her mouth to find out what I normally do on weekends and on weeknights.

"Nothing much," I replied. "Why?"

I looked up. The look on her face told me I was such a pitiful soul. I needed to be saved.

"Then you should come to church. Join us, this Sunday?" She cleared her throat.

Her words and her facial expression were akin to the straw that broke the camel's back.

And just like that, instead of being saved the Christian way, I chose to keep my distance.

Enough for now.

Writing on the Wall

"A good bf/gf should empathize with their other half's concerns and not just brush things off because they cannot see gravity of the situation" - WN

This also applies to good/close friends. That's what friends are for.

Very recently, another friend, T, was upset because of the actions of another friend, G. When it was made known, G was concerned and quickly asked to talk and to apologize to T. Although T needed time to cool off and was somewhat evasive in the first couple of days, I was glad that they talked and sorted things out. In a week, all was settled and back to normal.

It didn't really matter who was right or who was wrong because everyone has their own perceptions, but the willingness to talk and reconcile. That alone must mean something.

But what if your "close" friend does not at least empathize with your concerns; and does not want or appear to even talk about it; and if your "close" friend doesn't bother to ask you how you're feeling or what the problem was regardless of who was right or wrong?

What if it took your "close" friend 3 months instead of 1 week to ask you "So I heard you want to talk?" There is an expiration date for everything including the timeframe relationship issues should be resolved.

The writing's on the wall.

Time to move on.